The recent reading of some critical comments respecting Christian Science and its Leader has caused the present writer to question himself: Would it be possible for you to forsake the cause of Christian Science, or to fall away from trying to live its precepts? And if falling away, where would you fall? Do you merely believe in this Science of being, or do you truly understand it? If the unity of God and His creation, man and the universe, is understood, how could you depart from this certain knowledge of so great salvation? If the above-mentioned editorial critic could have had the present writer's experience, surely his unwarranted opinions would never have been penned.
In July, 1905, I found myself in a southern city, in that extremity of mind and body which has been described as God's opportunity. For many months I had been observing the marvelous change in character and life of a friend who had been lifted from the gutter by Christian Science, but up to this time I had managed to evade the ever-recurring desire to allow Christian Science to prove its claim to heal and regenerate. There had been no conscious desire to seek God, only the selfish longing to escape the penalty of sin. In this condition I grew worse physically and more desperate mentally and morally, until, when I reached that quiet old city in my travels, I felt that the crisis had come. It was the old story over again of the prodigal son and his awakening. On Sunday morning I recalled a loving letter from my friend, who wrote so convincingly of the change in his life that I suddenly determined to attend the Christian Science church that day.
I can never forget the quiet beauty of that simple service, nor the desire which came to me that morning to know more of this philosophy. So interested did I become that I went next day to the reading-room and ordered a copy of Mrs. Eddy's book, "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures." Many times I had expressed a desire to have this book, but never had felt able to make the purchase, although I had daily expended from one to three dollars for cigars. The book was sent to my room at the hotel, and coming in that night after a day of dissipation, which had left me in a state of intoxication, I sat down, opened the book, and was astonished to note that, while with respect to other things my vision was double, I could see clearly to read. And the first sentence I read sobered me. It was this: "To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, to-day is big with blessings" (Science and Health, Pref., p. vii.).
That night I gave up the fight; that night I learned what it is to come face to face with the knowledge that of my own self I could do nothing. I have since learned that no one ever really needs anything but to lean "on the sustaining infinite;" to have the consciousness which came with redoubled force to the psalmist, that "power belongeth unto God." Oh, the blessedness of that hour when to the heavy laden heart came a measure of the peace that passes all human understanding, for healing came and the beginning of the new birth. Awed and uplifted I retired, slept peacefully, and arose with a song in my heart that has never ceased.
From this point began the absorbing study of the wondrous truth of Christian Science; and as it proceeded earnestly and prayerfully, I found the old shackles slipping one by one from my limbs. My eyes were healed; I found myself possessed of a stomach that ceased to rebel, that no longer reminded me by day of the folly of nights of abuse; the tobacco habit was destroyed, going out so utterly that it no longer affected me, either to attract or to repel. I was healed of the drink habit, of the curse of gambling, which had been a mania with me. Then, as I grasped the Science of the change in myself, there came the desire to search the Bible, going deep into the things of God. Thus there has come to me, through these five and a half years of study, some little understanding of the Christ that makes free.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." These words of the apostle express the new creature who is in bondage to no man; and there is no falling from God's grace. Such repentance, or change of mind, is in the very fiber of human sense. The aspiring man who is acquiring that Mind "which was also in Christ Jesus" cannot undergo retrogression; God is with him, and before him; there is only and ever the open road which leads upward and onward.
J. M. Tutt, M.D., Kansas City, Mo.
[Lead testimony in The Christian Science Journal, June, 1911.]